My Testimony

Time to share my past...

We are discussing the idea of incorporating into our farm...
A drug - alcohol rehab program...
When a drug - alcohol patient leaves a Honduran rehab facility...
There is no place for them to go for post rehab treatment...
No transitional living faciities...
No job available...
Relapse - or death - is inevitable...

We want to teach Honduran drug - alcohol patients in recovery...
How to grow vegetables on raised beds or in greenhouse´s...

Recovery is possible...
I once loved to work hard...
And I loved to play hard...
My lifestyle caught up with me...
I almost killed myself with cocaine and alcohol in Catacamas, Olancho, Honduras...
I voluntarily went to Cerepa - a Honduran rehab center in July of 2000...
There my life was changed...
Yet the outside world told me I was a loser...
Would not employ me...
Shunned me...
I vowed to show the world a man can change his life...
Now you know why I will not let anything stop us from developing our Farm...
I know there are Tomas´s out there the world has shunned because of their former lifestyle...
Our farm will be sanctuary for those the world does not want...
You want to change your life...
We can help you...

My Honduran right hand man Dennis...
Was once a madman with cocaine and alcohol...
He is now teaching Honduran Campesinos how to work with Drip Irrigation to grow vegetables...

Don Esteban Sandoval who I speak of in this post...
Is also a recovering alcoholic...

Yes...
Life is good...

I share with you words I wrote a while back...

----

THE TRUTH

inspired by mkswonders...

mkswonders...

"It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely."

Leo F. Buscaglia
1924-1998
~
october 27, 1997...
it was my idea to go to that specific bar that honduran monday night...
called "chicas malas"...
my father in law was gun shot...
my friend victor put his life in front of me to stop me from being shot...
he was shot and died as a result...
left a family behind...
almost every time i see his dear wife we cry together...
forever in my memory...
what could i have done to prevent his death...
since victor yelled out to me the two gumen were his uncle and cousin...
i hestitated...
holding a 357 magnum with hollow points...
my hesitation killed my friend...
me taking my friend and family to the most dangerous bar in catacamas killed my friend...
almost killed my wifes' dad...
i took five bullets...
almost made my children orphans...
my wife a widow...
mks...
we all have ways of dealing with our past...

in 12 step programs we have no shame in sharing our stories everyday...
my stories in general are not for you mks...
those who identify will hear my words...
my mission is to speak to those who have been where i have been and lived to talk about it...
to hear the one word that they can hold on to...
it is my duty to many to share my story...
in reality the closest i came to death was at my own hands...
something i have never shared...
the close to death episode you read above had nothing to do with me being shot...

on july 22, 2000, at 6AM, i was in trouble...
after consuming an eight ball of coke...
and over 25 beers...
sitting in my 4X4...
on the streets of catacamas, honduras...
i was in physical trouble...
it was not the first time...
my first doctor friend turned me away...
said he was tired of my flirts with death...
another doctor friend hector...
gave me a fifty fifty chance to live...
after injecting me with all he could to stop me from going into respiratory failure...
he said my life was in the hands of my maker...
from there hector took me to a missionary clinic...
i will never forget the look dr. amanda gave me...
she told me it was not possible to tame a rebel...
i said...
today i surrender...

against clinic protocols' i was given a bed...
i made it thrugh the first night...
i will never forget the sounds of the birds singing...
and the lone chicken crowing that july 23 morning...
to feel the sunlight burst through the window when i opened it...
i cried everyday...
i stayed there 10 weeks...
my best patuca soldier came to the clinic to take me out..
said i looked liked a joke dressed in a brown shirt...
brown shorts that did not fit...
and flip flops...
far from the man in black attire...
i told tony i was done...
perhaps to the world i looked like a wimp...
but inside i knew i had a new beginning...
i told tony to go home...
i fought severe panic attacks for weeks...
on my knees i asked God if it was His wish to take me to take me...
for many times i had asked Him for another chance...
only later to slap His face in disgrace...
at the clinic i learned i was to have a son...
on my knees i begged my wife for forgiveness...

the moment of death i talk about is when one night my blood pressure and heart rate raced above 200...
the young man who was the night nurse looked at me with tears and said there was nothing he could do...
i was calm...
i said i had no one to blame but myself...
the patucawarrior...
the "aguila negra"...
survivor of fantastic jungle adventures was going down in a rehab clinic...
not in a gun fight...
not in a jungle rain storm...
not by a river gator...
not saving the people...
i hated what i had done to my name...
to the patuca people...
i hated how i was going to be remembered...
i hated as to how my wife and children were going to be treated...
when i thought i was going to die sitting at that desk...
propranolol that was sent to the clinic by taxi arrived...
i will always thank carmen....
15 minutes after taking the pill my bp and heart rate began to go down...
doctor amanda arrived with another doctor....
they said the worst was over for that night...

is there life after death...
yes there is mks...
can one...
no matter what wreakage they have in their past...
can one change their destiny...
yes they can...

the best job i could find with the same missionary group in atlanta, georgia, 2001, was yard cleaning...
odd jobs...
since my final patucawarrior days were in a rehab clinic many assumed i would relapse...
i was a marked man...
my glory days of gold hunting...
sleeping on jungle river banks....
fighting for the rights of Campesinos' and Indigenous people..
leading US choppers to landing zones...
with tons of aid...
meant nothing...
no one wanted to take a chance on me...
since deep in my gut i understood i had to deal with the wrath i had created at my own hands...
i stood in line to get food stamps to feed my family...
i chose to be greatful for the good the missionary group did for me in honduras...

believing in myself...
i left atlanta behind...
forged with a vengeance in to start my construction company in washington dc...
in march of 2002 i started pushing a broom in georgetown, dc...
at 8 dollars an hour...
left food stamps behind...
not forgetting for a moment what had brought me to this point in my life...
in june of 2003 i went to baltimore, md, to get my construction license...
through my self destruction in honduras i did manage to help the patuca people after mitch...
i guess God never forgot as well...
five years since i walked into the small rehab clinic in catacamas, honduras...
i have a company with 1.5 million dollars of contracts for 2005...
still clean and sober...
still thank God twice a day...

life can be beautiful mks...
to those who are in doubt at this moment with their vices'...
i say you must believe life can be different...
forget the vice brand people place on your forehead...
dig deep...
believe you want to change...
change for you...
not for God, family, or friends...
your new beginning must begin with you...
let the status quo believe what they want to believe...
just do not let them make you believe what they think about you as true...
one foot in front of the other...
day after day...
fight the darkness to bring you back...
embrace the Great Spirit...
He will lead you away from the dragons...
paz...

Tomas

··· ···

In my testimony I shared with you above title "The Truth" ...
I mentioned panic attacks I suffered while I was at Cerepa...
I could never shake off the Panic Attacks...
Just recently - 13 years later...
I went to a doctor here in Catacamas - Dr. Campos - to ask him for help with the attacks...
I had lost fifteen pounds...
A number of previous doctors said my attacks were a result of different medical issues
Dr. Campos disagreed...
He said after listening to my story - I had Malaria - Chronic Malaria - a type that lives in the liver - cleverly hides itself...
A type of Malaria that mimics many physical ailments - including neurological disorders...
Now finally - I was hearing something that made sense to me...
I said well - maybe - but I came down with Malaria in 1990 here in Catacamas...
Dr. Campos said a recent Malaria had triggered the old parasite still living inside me...
That the current Malaria would not be like the first outbreak back in 1990...
And...
Certain headache medicines only strengthen the Malaria parasite - like Panadol and Acetaminophen - I was taking both of these medicines - intensifying my medical condition...
A blood test confirmed I had Malaria - I began treatment - not fun...
After the first treatment did not work - we began the second - an even stronger treatment...
It was tough - the doctor said I would have to endure the ordeal - Chronic Malaria is not easy to treat...
The second treatment has worked...
My panic attacks have stopped completely...
Even my blood pressure has returned to normal - quite an experience...
I am amazed that a parasite could live in the body for so many years...
Stress - fatigue - alcohol - can trigger the Malaria parasite to attack the human body...
Now I know why I suffered from so many Panic Attacks while at Cerepa...
And medicines I was taking at the time for treatment only enabled the parasite - very interesting...

I am surprised so many doctors did not see the signs of Chronic Malaria...
One doctor said I was paying for my past adventures of living hard - playing hard...
The best diagnosis was Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome - as a result of my gunfight...
I always disagreed...
For many years I told doctors something was wrong with me - something was being misdiagnosed...
As a result...
Many were wrong about me...
My character was labeled incorrectly...

We found the parasite...
I was right...

My Mom was in Honduras back in the 70´s...
She came down with Malaria...
Afterwords Mom complained for many years of physical ailments...
Doctors could never find what bothered Mom...
Mom died in 2007..
I now know Mom had the same Malaria condition...
Dr. Campos says many people who have lived in the tropics suffer from Chronic Malaria...
And are diagnosed with something else...
Thank you Dr. Campos...


Update - Wednesday April 27.2011

I have been using Cinnamon to treat my Malaria...
Since I began my Cinnamon treatments...
I have not had a single panic attack...
Sleeping the best I have in years...

CINNAMON AND HONEY... THE MIRACLE CURE

· Home Remedies for Malaria

I have not used Cocaine since July 22.2000...
This is the truth...
I will never lie to you...

··· ···

And another person tells me I should have not posted my testimony about my cocaine and alcohol heydays...
For those who do not like my story...
Or thinks it makes me any less of a man...
Or hampers our Honduran work...
I suggest you visit another website...
Your opinion of my past means nothing to me...

I did not turn into some boring loser after deciding to dump coke...
Coke was getting in my way...
I realized that and changed my party ways...
Moved on with my life...
Built a small framing drywall company in Washington DC...
Made the money I wanted...
Returned to Honduras...
I had stayed in DC I would have become a multi millionare - that would have been easy...
Making change in this abanonded farming paradise of Honduras - that is a challenge...

Starting from scratch...
We turned a cow pasture into a vegetable patch...
We sold our veggies...
We sell our cattle...
We sell our grains...
We are raising Hybrid pigs...

Yes...
Us American Honduran drug addicted - alcoholics are selling farm products...
We are teaching Hondurans to free themselves from imposed poverty...
Wow...
Who would have guessed - right - lol...
My story will stay here as a beacon for others...


UPDATE August 14.2011

My biggest disappointment with how the world treats us rebels...
Has been with my ¨Christian Brothers¨...
They do not walk the talk of Jesus...
Rather than focusing on what I promised I could do for them in the future...
They were more concerned about my past...
With my ¨Christian family¨ the best job they gave me was raking leaves...
In DC I founded - ran a million dollar company - with complete strangers...
Then walked away from millions of dollars of construction projects...

I suggest my fellow ¨Christian Brothers¨ read about Ryan Blair...

"Long before I became a millionaire entrepreneur, I was a punk with a juvenile criminal record, street gang experience, and a lot of emotional scarring... My teenage years were hardly the typical starting point for a normal, productive life, let alone a successful business career. Turns out, that didn't matter."
· Ryan Blair

· Entrepreneurship: Nothing to Lose and Everything to Gain

· Nothing To Lose

· Today’s rioter may be tomorrow’s entrepreneur


Like I told my ¨Christian Brothers¨...
There are other Tomas´s out there...
You fail to recognize us - to please your donors...
Donors who have no clue how to read people...
Only how to build a ass kiss clic with their money...


UPDATE December 2.2011

Some people have said to me...
With your Cannabis Oil therapy...
You are getting high again...
That is pure BS...

Cannabis Oil...
With Cinnamon Honey...
Stopped my PTSD attacks...
Returned my blood pressure back to normal...
Cannabis Oil stopped the my lower back pain...
I have lost 12 pounds of unneccesary weight...
I sleep well at night...
And more...

I do not take Cannabis Oil to get high...
I just told Big Pharma to fuck off...

They gave me Paxil for PTSD - garbage...
Meds for high blood pressure - garbage...
Meds for my back pain - garbage...

My true issue with my party days...
Was cocaine...
I have not touched cocaine since 2000...

No need to explain more...


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